Technology is great. It put a man on the moon and a supercomputer in the palm of your hand. But can it supplant imperfect, human-administered cunnilingus? We looked at three innovative toys reputed to be as good if not better than the real thing to see wussup.
Lovehoney Sqweel 2 (retails $40):
Effectively the lady equivalent of those creepy be-lipped male jerkoff sleeves, this wheel of disembodied battery-powered tongues is like some perved out woodland cottage water wheel for your clit. …Which we could handle, if it produced the “eye-popping orgasms” promised on the website. Alas! Not only is this thing large and loud and battery-powered (something I find hard to abide in 2016), none of the three settings (clockwise, counter-clockwise and back-and-forth) with their consistent repetitive impacts feels like more than a smooth vibration against the skin. I suppose if you could tune out the distracting whirr of the motor the sensation could be considered soothing, but it’s a far cry from arousing. To say nothing of the pain in the ass it is to clean this toy is you use any lube with it. 1/3 UNBOUND Os
Lelo Ora 2 ($189):
The Ora 2 is Lelo's upgrade to their original Ora oral sex simulator- with the biggest difference being that the movable nub meant to approximate a tongue swirling and flicking under the Ora's soft silicone exterior is much larger in v2. While we love how innovative and beautiful this toy is, the modes which approximate oral might be too gentle for many women and are certainly overpowered when paired with the Ora's vibrating modes). 2/3 UNBOUND Os
Epi24 Womanizer Pro ($189):
We saved the best for last. This vibe requires patience, but boy does it reward it. The soft silicone tip of the Womanizer nestles over your clitoris to produce subtle, relatively quiet suction-like sensations (using "pressure air" technology) and vibrations around the clit. The best way to use it is to use just a touch of lube to reduce friction and slowly toggle up the intensity levels, almost "edging", to produce a very intense clitoral orgasm. Unlike your trusty magic wand, this subtle but targeted vibrator demands an almost meditative focus and causes you to really slow down and hone in on your body and what feels good- which we think is a fantastic thing. 3/3 UNBOUND Os