Winter's Bone: A Couples Lube Review

J & N embark on a journey of experimentation and discovery with KY's couples lubricant. Does his excite? Does her's delight?

N Before embarking on any actual touching for this review of “his ‘n’ hers” lubes, I had so many questions—what makes one “his” as opposed to “hers?” Are they supposed to be kept separate at all times? What happens when they mix together? I decided that the only way to answer these questions systematically and comprehensively would be to conduct a very precise, formal experiment. For Science.
Upon opening the box, I was thrilled to find that the design itself complied with my lofty scientific goals--two little bottles of lube shaped like test tubes! But the bottles themselves contain some assumptions about who buys lube—the purple bottle is labeled “MINE: for her” and the blue bottle is labeled “YOURS: for him.” So apparently women are the ones who buy lube, even though this is a product specifically marketed for couples. In our case, he bought the lube, which lead to some minor confusion when we tried to use the proper product names for each one (“So now you take ‘Mine,’ uh, I mean, ‘Yours’...”).

But here’s the thing--it’s kind of great that K-Y wants to encourage couples to use lube together, because not enough couples do. With two separately designated bottles, each person can apply as much as they need and, ideally, get exactly what they want from the product and experience.

So in order to take this product on its own terms, and also, For Science, we followed the instructions very precisely. I “[had] him apply Mine—purple—to her to delight,” as instructed, and discovered that it smells like fluoride. Perfect for my vagina dentata! I was told to expect a “tingling” sensation, but it mostly just felt...cold. For some meteorological context, it was about 10 degrees outside. I wasn’t thrilled about the now-complete takeover of my body by freezing temperatures. Within a few minutes, I did feel what could be described as “tingling,” but what could alternately be described as “throbbing cold.” Maybe fun in the summer, though?

Follow-up research uncovered the presence of menthol in the “Mine” lube. While not physically damaging, I primarily associate menthol with the cigarettes people smoked in high school before they knew any better. Not so sexy.

J The instructions call for an application of 1-2 drops for each participant. However, I am a big proponent of more lube equals more better and this lube in particular was sticky instead of slippery. In a bold move we deviated from the instructions and added a few more drops. Mine (“Yours”) did not have the immediate tingling like her “Mine,” but given the external temperatures it may have brought me up to at least room temperature. Not at all unpleasant, but I also was about to have sex, soooo.

N In order to be as thorough as possible in our scientific pursuits, I decided we should start with a condom, to see what the lubes felt like separately, and then take it off, so that we could “feel them ignite,” as promised. (Safer sex disclaimer: this does NOT constitute proper use of a condom if you’re relying on it for pregnancy and STD prevention, and not just to keep lubes separate.) With a condom, the “mine” lube for me felt pretty much the same as it had before. More tingling (read: cold). He began to complain of a burning sensation.

J Putting lube inside a condom is actually a good move in general, so it did not seem out of the ordinary to go with this method. However, this, as advertised, is no ordinary lube. For future use I would recommend distributing the lube evenly on yourself, as it does in fact create a warming sensation. This could be nice except when it’s all concentrated in the tip of a condom. It is less like sitting by a warm fire and more like sticking your dick in a toaster.

N The condom was discarded. As it turns out, “ignite” may have been a fair representation of what happens when these lubes are combined. It burns both cold and hot, like what it might feel like if you used Bengay or Icy Hot for lube. Again, For Science, I selflessly offered to try the “Yours” lube on myself, and it is indeed toasty. But the sensation dulled over time--I ended up feeling somewhat thankful that it wasn’t a super long lasting product. Before long, we’d abandoned the K-Y stuff for a more dependable choice, I-D Glide. I-D Glide may use inferior font choices, but it actually serves as lubricant without the added hot-n-ticklish sensation.

But so many more surprises were in store! When I revisited the packaging I found that we’d purchased the “Limited Edition” version, that edition being the “K-Y DATE NIGHT BONUS PACK: turn dinner into an unforgettable evening” (with a $25 gift card to I’d never heard of—but it turns out I am eligible for a free gift certificate to Plump Dumpling. When the lube comes with a side of dumpling soup, who needs “Yours”?

Whatcha think?

Please don't be mean :-)

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